Friday, April 5, 2013

Feeling "not so good to be honest"

It has been three weeks since my last blog entry. It is less than two weeks until I can start living gluten free. Since finding out my blood tests came back positive at the end of January, I have gone through an emotional roller coaster. From crying on that first night - missing every future gluten laden snack and nice bread in advance - to today when I just cannot wait until I can start living without gluten.

Logically I cannot wait. I know I have support from my family. They have volunteered eating only gluten free foods at home at least for the first month, while I find my feet in a new gluten free world. I know the fog in my brain will lift. I know I will get to eat and feel satisfied instead of always feeling something is missing. I know I will stop feeling so awfully tired and exhausted. But all of this is my logic side. My loudest side.

My more quiet, emotional side is still just stunned. Or perhaps in denial. Nothing like acceptance there. My emotional side is just tucked away in a corner of my personality, sobbing. Not wanting to have to take this seriously. Not wanting to become the gluten free warrior you need to be. Not wanting the fuss and the attention. Just wanting everything to be as it used to be. Not like now, but like before. My emotional side wants to go back in time.

I believe I still have some grieving to do. 

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